2020...to say it's been a weird one is a bit of an understatement but naturally as the year comes to a close I’ve felt pretty reflective and wanted to share what I’ve learnt. To remind myself that despite the doom and gloom (I don’t watch the news but its almost impossible not to hear about it!) a lot of positive stuff has come from the last 12 months. So here goes:
1. Routine is everything. Sounds obvious, right? But until you don't really have one, routine has always felt, well, routine. Little did I realise how key it was to my mental health. Doing some things at the same time each day helps me to feel grounded and able to deal with the unknowns. My morning routine is essential to this - movement, journaling and fresh air. Then work starts.
2. Little steps, every day amount to bigger goals. I’m the kind of gal who’ll put a million things on my to-do-list then wonder why I feel overwhelmed and frustrated with myself when I haven't finished it. Going from employed to self-employed was definitely more of a shocker than I ever imagined and setting myself these massive goals with no direction made me feel like I'd failed. This year has taught me to slow down and just do a little at a time and trust that it will add up to where I want to get to.
3. Accountability is necessary. I totally underestimated the power of accountability in getting shit done, without it I am a procrastinating queen. Now, my boyfriend and I will share our to-do-lists and hold each other to it. I am way more productive this way!
4. Have patience - don’t rush the process. I am learning to be aware when my impatience is actually pulling me away from the present moment and therefore making me feel crappy. This year has forced me to think about what I can do today instead of worrying about tomorrow.
5. If I stay connected to myself, all is okay. When I’ve lost this, everything can feel a bit lonely and overwhelming. It's harder to connect with others and to keep giving. I felt pretty disconnected from my own yoga practice mid-year and it made me feel drained. Re-connecting to it this side of the year has felt like I’ve put myself first again. It sounds cheesy but you have to fill up your own cup.
6. It takes bravery to be vulnerable and vulnerability to feel connected. I have learnt to open up so much more this year and realised how easy it is for me to put a happy front on when I’m not feeling great. Moving away from that has felt incredibly freeing and made my relationships so much stronger.
7. Menstrual Cycle Awareness (MCA) changed my life. Learning about my cycle has totally changed my perception of myself and allowed me to truly tune into what it is I need. I didn't realise how important this 28 (ish) day rhythm was and how forcing myself to live purely on the 24 hour clock and expecting myself to be the same each day was affecting my health and happiness. If you’re interested, please go and read: ‘Wild Power’ by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer.
8. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is nothing. This is something I really began to accept post MCA. I have really begun to see the value of giving myself space to just do nothing so I can process, listen and be open to inspiration. Filling every moment of time, blocks that all out.
9. A simple life is a happy life. It's very easy to get caught up in the more is more mentality, it's all around us but I’ve really come to realise that less is more. I feel at ease when the basics are covered like good food, sleep and movement. All the other ‘stuff’ is usually just a temporary ‘high’.
10. You are stronger than you think. It's amazing how adaptable and resilient we are as human beings. I never could have predicted going through a global pandemic and a miscarriage this year but here I am still standing. I feel like both those things have forced me to look at what's important to me, to distill the noise from the desire and to really prioritise my mental health over everything else.
11. Nature heals, always. I’ve always loved getting outside but moving to Brighton this year, I’ve totally embraced the power of the sea. I love tuning into my senses when I go to the beach seeing what I can hear, smell, touch. And getting in the water no matter how cold it is, is a sure fire way to get me out of a funk. Actual healing magic.
12. Focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. I am a recovering control freak and it's only in recent years I realised this has stemmed from anxiety. When I’m committed to the practices that help me to find ease, it begins to taper off and I can embrace the flow of life.
13. Listen to your heart. Life can change direction pretty quickly. Going with your heart over fear is not easy but it feels much better. I am learning to listen more and not allow the self-doubt to take over.
14. Trusting yourself is key. I’ll often ask myself when feeling that doubt: ‘What if I trusted myself here?’. That anchor has helped me to move forwards with the things I really want even when they seem scary!
15. Always have a set of tools in your box. Life will always be stressful in one way or another, it's how you deal with it that counts. I’ve honed in on the tools that I know help me to feel better like journaling, nature, yoga and meditation. Knowing that they are always there means there’s action I can take to pull me out of a wobble.
16. Boundaries are your friend. As a recovering people pleaser this can be a tough one but I’ve learnt that it starts by being honest with myself. Understanding what I want in each moment and learning to communicate that clearly to the other person. Moving in with my mum at the beginning of the year and then my boyfriend have been good tests for this, it became easier over time and now is more of a habit.
17. Journal. Every, single, day. Reading the ‘Artists Way’ by Julia Cameron solidified my relationship with journaling. I often used to journal when I remembered but doing this each morning has freed up mental space to allow me to get on with the day sans monkey mind. Its helped me to move through grief and anxiety and I hope to keep this habit as a constant in my life.
18. Creating is healing. Another positive outcome from the book is that it opened up my creative channels. I brought a watercolour set and have been following tutorials on youtube. When I took some time off work, it helped me to focus and relax. I also love how it's helping me to let go of ‘perfect’ and embrace being a beginner again!
19. Balance is everything. I’ll naturally lean into extremes with everything and in recent years particularly with food and exercise. I was an under-eater (plus strict vegan) and over-exerciser, it was my way of coping with stress. I have learnt to let go of this pattern this year and feel so much better for it. I feel more in tune with what my body needs and now choose to exercise/eat intuitively.
20. Gratitude is great. Being more grateful for what I do have has been a great mindset shift. Each morning I’ll write one thing I'm grateful for on the fridge. Each time it gets to the end of the piece of paper, I’ll read it back and the same things always come up. Sleep, sunshine, friends, family, movement. It reminds me of what really makes me happy.
I’d love to hear your lessons!
Happy New Year!
Jo x
