I think I’ve had way more wobbles since covid-19 hit. Its felt like a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, one minute I am loving the extra time and appreciating the slower pace. The next I am judging myself for it. Full on see-sawing! When it feels like everything is out of control my nervous system can be like ‘WTF?!!!’ This is where my yoga practice has become more of an essential part of my routine. It’s been that daily opportunity to just simply breathe and connect to how I am feeling, with no distractions nor to-do-lists. To make rushing around like a flapping chicken a little less likely. The breath is the most powerful tool in my box and enables me to take control of my inner world. Whether through stillness and simple breathing techniques (pranayama) or synchronising my breath to movement (asana). By bringing awareness and intention to these methods, I can bring my nervous system into the parasympathetic (relaxed mode!) and out of ‘fight or flight’.

I always feel different each time I step onto the mat. Some days it is with ease and the movements flow like water. Other days everything feels tense and sticky like trudging through mud. Sometimes I am focused and there are large gaps of calm and peace between thoughts. And lately, quite often there is an entire orchestra of thoughts, playing a mad jazz tune in my head with no end and no beginning. The challenge is to accept all that comes. Can I sit with the unease, breathe into that feeling and allow it to pass? By bringing awareness to feelings of discomfort, I can then let them go rather than ignore it and try to distract myself. I have learnt how those feelings are usually a catalyst for growth, an indicator that there is a fear I am ready to overcome. Watching my body adapt and change when I set the intention to move into shapes it has never morphed into before, is proof that I can do it! No matter what the external world presents!

Yoga is a tangible way to manage my anxiety. Its a way to ‘show up’ for myself, even on the days I don’t want to! Even when I am having a good day and my ego says ‘I don’t need to do that anymore, I’m ‘better’ now’, I remind myself: consistency is key. At the moment I have committed to half an hour a day, sometimes that’s it and other times it evolves into a longer practice. You may think, how will half an hour a day (or even 15 minutes) ‘do anything’ but with consistency you will experience the benefits and by setting a realistic goal, that becomes even more likely! [I’ve just got inspo to write about building healthy habits but will save that for another time]. In essence, patience forms a big part of my practice, I cannot just skip from A to Z even though I am naturally inclined to want to! I need to ease into the practice and listen to my body. Applying this mindset to my life has really helped me to be more considered in my actions.

I am a natural people pleaser and being pulled into things I don’t want to do causes me anxiety. That feeling when you really want to say no but ya chickened out and now you’ve got that giant chunk of resistance building in you! Yoga helps me to create mental space, time out from the external stresses of life. If the mind is clogged up all the time, then making decisions feels like a mammoth task. Even small day-to-day ones like what chores to do, which friend to see (social distanced fun anyone?), remembering to eat well and keep track of my finances. Let alone big, life decisions like career changes or moving house! And then up pops something unexpected and it becomes like a game of jenga. The very moment when you take the very dodgy-looking piece out from the tower and BOOM, everything comes crashing down!

Yoga has helped me to develop the patience to sit with discomfort and build up the confidence to begin talking about my own mental health. It has given me the power back during the times I have felt lost and honestly, cannot recommend yoga enough for anyone looking for a way to manage their own mental health. If the thought of going to a yoga class makes you feel more anxious then know that your yoga teacher is also a human. They too have likely experienced that feeling on some level and are there to support you, so that you can learn at your own pace.

Do not let the myths put you off, you do not need to be flexible [FYI I was nowhere near touching my toes when I began], you don’t need snazzy yoga clothes or a top of the range mat. If you have an injury or anything you worry might hinder your practice, the teacher will help you to modify. All you need to do, is show up. If you are unsure what the different types of yoga out there are and what they mean, here’s a great link with explanations:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-11-major-types-of-yoga-explained-simply

I would advise trying out different styles and teachers to see what resonates with you. Now we are nearing the end of lock down, it’s an awesome time to start so that once studios begin to re-open you’ll have nailed some basics! If you have any questions at all, please send me a direct message. I’d be super happy to help!

I woke up one day and my fiancé at the time just told me he ‘wasn’t sure’ if he wanted to be with me then packed up his things and left. it was (at the time) totally out of the blue, we had only been engaged around 6 months and I had everything all mapped out for our lives together. We had our own place and the wedding plans had begun. All the things I thought I wanted and had begun ticking off my list. Boom, sorted, achieved.

I went into work that week in a haze, filled with anxiety, knowing I would be busy (i worked in events and we had a biggie coming up) so could distract myself from feeling so awful. One of my colleagues had mentioned the Thursday yoga class and how amazing it was. She had said this a few times but I never thought to go, having got the giggles last time I tried yoga years before. this time i thought f**k it, I have nothing to lose at this point, my life is already in ‘shambles’ so I might as well have a laugh!

I went and felt that ‘I don’t have a clue what i’m doing’ feeling but the teacher made me feel so welcome. he asked if I’d done yoga before and before I had a chance to get embarrassed, made me feel like it didn’t matter and to just try. He led us through a Sivananda Hatha practice, it was a moving meditation. I remember laying in Savasana afterwards, knowing that this time, I was going to come back.

Each week, I could feel my body getting stronger and more mobile. After some months, I could even touch my toes (something i had never been able to do!). I had strength in my upper body after having always been the person to say ‘oh I just don’t have any strength in my arms’! but as the months, years of practice continued I noticed I began to learn something new about myself every time I stepped on the mat. I started to enquire more as to how my body would feel in each Asana, what my mind (which was extremely hard on myself at the time) was chatting and this began to weave its way into my life off of the mat.

Each time those negative thought patterns would begin to swirl around my head, I began to recognise them and notice them for what they were. Initially this could have been hours after getting wrapped up in my stories but over time I could catch them sooner. I began to start thinking about what I really wanted in my life not what society expected of me, the corporate ladder I ‘should’ be climbing or the way I ‘should’ present myself to the world. I began to question all the unconscious choices I had been making in my life up until that point. Was I happy in that relationship? Did I really want to get married? What made me feel alive?

I tied a safari weekend onto a work trip to Johannesburg, something I had always wanted to do. I later sold my engagement ring to get me to Sri Lanka and the exploring continued. I no longer felt that I needed to have someone else with me to do the things I wanted. I started to realise that I was enough. I could see how I had been trying so hard to control my life, to steer it to the ‘happy ending’ of the career, marriage, kids etc that I had never stopped to ask myself if this was what I really wanted.

Yoga created the space in my body and mind to allow me to connect with myself on a soul level. To de-layer from traditions, conditioning and ask which of these were ‘me’ and weren’t ‘me’. I felt like I had escaped from my own prison of limiting beliefs and let go of the resentment I would hold towards others for feeling like I didn’t have a choice. This felt amazing and as my practice deepened (and continues to) I began to experience the wholeness, richness of life.

The profound effects my practice had (and has!) on me led me to want to guide others, to help them connect to their truths and take that forward into their own lives. I began speaking to my teachers, asking for recommendations for training and thinking about really doing it myself. I remember vividly being sat in the garden with my boyfriend, crying my eyes out saying I wanted to leave my career and become a yoga teacher. Repeating ‘I’m scared, I’m so scared’ over and over. Although I knew deep down I wanted to do it, on a human level everything was telling me not to. ‘What if this? what if that?’ the support I received and knowing he too had built his own successful business out of passion was exactly what I needed. The chat didn’t go so well with the parents, my mum was worried and my dad thought I was barking mad to ‘throw away’ an 8 year career! I made the choice, started saving and later booked my tickets to India. And not being one to do things by halves, threw in 3 months of travel. the ‘old’ me, would not have dared to dream of this. Ever.

Travelling around the beautiful country with all its colours, smells, sounds, traditions, community, food, everything showed me another way of living. A dedication to something bigger than us, a trust in a higher power and a clear intention to look after each other as a community. My training was at a traditional Hatha school in Rishikesh recommended by one of my lovely teachers in london.

I went through 3 hours total a day military style Asana practice alongside anatomy, pranayama, mantra, meditation and philosophy classes. Philosophy was my favourite class, every time I went in, sat in Sukhasana (cross-legged) with ‘spine straight’ my mind was blown. I had begun to study before the training but Nalin was an awe-inspiring teacher. He was full of wisdom and as we moved through the Yoga Sutras and discussed the Bhagavad Gita something just clicked. All these wonderful sacred texts are the essence of what we know today as ‘mindfulness’, all these teachings were guides to truth.

As we worked towards our final Asana class I knew that I wanted to weave this knowledge, in my own way to inspire and motivate others. The last day came and as I moved through the cues and watched my colleagues – now friends- move their bodies so freely and fluidly, I felt like I was observing myself with tears of pride in my eyes. As they rested in Savasana, calm and with an amazing energy floating around them, I knew this was it. I wanted to bring what I’d learnt and continue to learn home to share. To guide people through a moving meditation, stilling the mind and quietening the chatter even if for one less minute.

managing anxiety through yoga

why i became a yoga teacher